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Ohhh..so much to type up..so little time...
i'm mainly reviving this whole blog thing because i'm so damn lazy to write in my real journal (which is running out of pages anyway).
I really don't know or care who or why anyone would read my dramatic and/or pointless ramblings, besides the fact that you're a good friend of mine, or you're incredibly bored and have nothing better to do with your time. Anyway...Yeah.
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Its been 5 months since my last "serious" post, and I really don't know where to start.
I've already finished my classes at West Valley Occu, but still don't have enough credits to "officially" graduate. Yeah. Its retarded. My latest concern has nothing to do with school though, it mainly focuses around myself, and how I feel.
Early November, I somehow managed to gat back together with Reen. Apparently I didn't learn from the last two breakups we had, since the same inevetible outcome occured again. I really wanted it to work between both of us, and I really tried my best. Her, I, and a few friends even constructed a plan that involved all of us moving in together, ASAP. Seeing how much I wanted this plan to succeed, I grasped at the first job that was suggested to me, which was at Toysrus. What a joke. I realized that after awhile of being there, I was really unhappy with myself. To top that, Reen worked there too, but at that time, we weren't 'together' yet. We got back together a few days after I resigned from Toysrus, but that didn't slow me down one bit on trying to get a job. I really wanted this plan to go through. I recieved a reference to Gamestop, by a really good friend, who could be a potential enemy now. Michael. He's like a brother to me, but at the current situation, I really can't tell who my friends and enemies are. Bastards.
Anyway, I resigned from Gamestop not too far after I was hired, for two reasons.
1) The manager of the store had favoritism, and pretty much hated everyone that couldn't do anything his way. None of the other managers like him, nor his fellow co-workers. The only person he "favors" is his "girlfriend" who he allowed to work in the store with him, even when the rules clearly state that you may not be in a relationship with a co-worker, if your hours are linked.
2) Reen and I broke up by then. I kept the job alittle longer after we did break up, but only because I had to. I initially got the job so I could earn money to go through with the "plan" to move in together, but she fucked it up. She fucked it all up.
So basically I went through 2 jobs in alittle over 1 month. Joy.
As if that wasn't bad enough, I had found out she had a crush on one of my friends. One of my best friends. None other than the one that refered me to the Gamestop job. Michael. Actually, thats pretty far ahead. A few nights before I had a talk with her, and she gave me this bullshit about how if I wanted to be with her, she had to lay down rules.
Excuse me? Rules?
Since when does a relationship have rules?
These rules included something like : "Not being able to cling to her, her dislike for kissing, and how I practically can't touch her."
Congradulations Reen, you officially not only killed the relationship, but the friendship too. Fucktard.
I asked her if she'd cheat on me, and she just smiled.
Sorry, but thats the wrong answer, she loses.
I already saw it there, that she would cheat on me at some point, that she wasn't loyal, and that she was a liar.
Yet I still stayed with her.
I was right though, she did cheat on me, and when I confronted her about it, she threw some kind of a fit in public, about how i'm an asshole and all these other absurd names that only an immature person would say when they're losing at something. She said she didn't cheat on me, and blah blah blah (I wasn't listening to her rambling), and that its all my fault.
Last time I checked, I was with her, and she had a crush on another guy, and had liked him for X amount of time. While we were together. Bitch.
Not too long ago, I wrote a letter saying i'm sorry to her, which I was, for ever causing her any pain. Most people would think i'm retarded for doing this, but its just how I am.
Anyway, recently I made a video that depict how much she hurt me, and how much she lied. She saw this video (courtesy of Michael), and called me the Liar, saying that I wasn't sorry at all and that I lied to her. I told her that I was sorry, but just because I was, doesn't erase the truth, and the fact that she lied and hurt me.
Of course though she couldn't comprehend that. She has selective hearing, as she only hears what she wants to hear, just like most immature kids do.
I Do Not plan on talking to her, or any of her friends (Michael, Yoshi, Maverick) for quite some time now. I know its stupid to not talk to them because of just her, but she has this tendency to bend everyone to believe what she says. I should know. I was with her.
So basically all of them are potential enemies. Nobody seems to understand it from my point of view, to have 4 of your closest friends all talking behind your back, all hiding the knives behind them, waiting to strike while i'm not looking.
Ray is pretty much the only IRL friend I can depend on at the moment. He's never let me down, and has always tried to cheer me up. To me, he's the only light in this ugly world. Maybe there is a god.
(Also applies to my online friends, like Ted, Jesse, Elaine, Tony, etc)
The thing that hurts the most is she promised me she'd stay with me, and she knew i'd stay with her.
And I believed her.
Seems that people only want to hear the good side of a story. Nobody likes the truth. I'm always under the gun for choosing the reality of stuff. There are good lies and bad lies, and most people tell the bad ones. I always am hated for revealing them.
Hold truth like a torch, and watch the shadows close in on you.
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-=[ Pretz ]=-
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